"Feels Like Home"

I used to listen to this song all the time when Chris and I were dating. I felt every word to be true then, but it's never felt more meaningful than it has now.

 

I truly know now that home is where my husband is. Being apart from him for 5 months now has been hard. I can't wait to look into his eyes and get lost in his arms again. This time apart has made me appreciate that what we have together is the most important thing and it's made me realize how madly in love I am with this incredible man.

 

This life isn't an easy one to live, but I know we're working towards something bigger. He brings so much light into my life. I never thought I could love anyone so much and it's amazing how my love for him continues to grow.

 

(just substitute Noah and Allie for me and Chris! haha)    "Feels Like Home"
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
(CHANTAL KREVIAZUK LYRICS)  

"happy dreams"

I titled this post "happy dreams" because every night the kids and I say our good night prayers and ask to have happy dreams...

 

Yesterday morning at 6am, Lincoln ran into my room with the biggest smile on his face. There was no hiding how happy he was. He started telling me that he saw daddy in his room. Lincoln said he was scared and that daddy put his hand on his cheek and said, "you're okay." It was the sweetest thing hearing Lincoln explain his comforting encounter with daddy. he even demonstrated by softly putting his hand on his own cheek the way daddy did.

 

After he told me his whole experience, I got up to check his room and the house to make sure there wasn't some creep-o acting as his dad. there wasn't anyone of course and I know Lincoln knows his dad better than that, but I just had to make sure. Once confirmed there was no one there, I called Chris... because part of me wanted to make sure he was still alive and it wasn't his spirit visiting Lincoln. Chris is alive and well. It was just so interesting for me to here this from my little 2 1/2 year old in such detail. and although I understand most of his toddler language, there are still some things that are hard to understand or have clarified.

 

Lincoln was simply dreaming - but I don't think it was just some random dream. I truly believe Heavenly Father specially sent him that dream to comfort our sweet little Lincoln. Lincoln has been having a  really hard time with Chris being away. He brings him up often and its usually in a sad way. He'll say things like "I want daddy" or "I miss him" and he'll tell people randomly "daddy at work." Every time I end a call with Chris Lincoln starts crying or gets mad.

 

it is so incredibly hard for all of us to be apart and its just so obvious that families aren't meant to be separated for this long of a stretch. I try to be strong but it just breaks my heart to see my babies in pain from missing their father.

 

One thing that keeps me going is having the Lord by my side. I couldn't imagine going through this without the fullness of the gospel in my life. I thank Heavenly Father every day for the precious family he has blessed me with and the fact that we will be together throughout all eternity.

 

Faithfully by Journey

thousands of miles apart from my husband, sleeping alone one more night.

there's nothing I want more than a long, tight hug from him.

he says he listens to this song often because it reminds him of me, of us.

so tonight i'm listening to it over and over again, can't hold back the tears, thinking about the man I love and missing him so much right now.
 

Songwriters: CAIN, JONATHAN
 

Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind

Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sending all my love along the wire
They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line it's been you and me
And loving a music military  man
Ain't always what it's supposed to be
Oh Girl
You stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns to make us smile

Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am lost without you
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh girl
You stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Faithfully
I'm still yours
I'm forever yours
Ever yours
Faithfully

                                     

photo source 

 

there's a hole in my life

i'm having husband withdrawals. he's been gone for about a week and there's nothing i want more than a hug from him right now.

 

  surprisingly, i have gotten used to sleeping alone, which i think is a great thing and a not so great thing. i'm not as terrified at night without him. every now and then i leave the hall light on and sleep with a gun. last night in particular, i heard a knock on our door at 2 am so i grabbed the gun and checked down stairs. my paranoia must have kicked in because there was no one there. i also sleep diagonally across the bed when he's not there...is that weird or what!?   chris is more than half way through IOC! less than a month to go and he has most of next week off because of thanksgiving. i'm so proud of him and how well he's been doing in this course. it's so intense; mentally, emotionally, and especially physically exhausting. plus his birthday was this wednesday so he got to spend it in the freezing cold doing who knows what.   this week hasn't been too bad for me, it could just be that i'm getting used to not having him around to help as much. i'm slowly packing, it is ridiculous trying to pack while my kids are pulling things out of the box, throwing random things in, and climbing all over me! so i've just been packing about a box a day. our current plan is too pack up all of our belongings, put them in a storage facility here in VA, we'll all drive to CA for christmas, i'll live with family while chris flys back to VA to finish GIOC, and then, depending on where we will be stationed... well thoughs are our plans so far. we'll have to finish our plan once we get orders.   ok so, our duty station... well after chris found out we were on the list to go to NC, i called his captain and asked him to change it to CA (either pendleton or 29 palms, it's about the same distance from our families). he was so nice and said he's do his best to change it for us. so that's why i've been hopeful that it will change. just recently, the infantry guys got their official orders. the intelligence guys (chris is intel) are supposed to get their official orders next week. (more waiting)! so once again i am very anxious to see where we are actually being stationed to. (oh, but it could change again during the rest of his training...blah).     i'll just focus on getting though these next 2 days for now!    

a stroll down memory lane

  since i've been packing up to move again, i've been going through so many old photos. it's crazy looking back, especially at the times when chris and i were just starting to date. it brings back those giddy feelings of when you're first getting to know your crush. we always went on so many fun dates together. for a short time there we each went to RCC, but had different classes, and when i'd walk back to my car i'd always find a flower on my wind shield. he also gave me a flower every time he picked me up for our dates (it was always stolen from my yard or the neighbor's ha ha), then i'd always forget it in his truck when he dropped me back off at home. oopsie. oh and my favorite part about these pictures... his HAIR! dang you marine corp for stealing that gorgeous head of hair!  

hiking up the angeles national forest

this was at the 'night in gale' play in LA

the sweet side in him... one of the surprises i found on my car



my first (and only) hocky game

after a day floating down the kern river

yep. it was really 4:30 in the morning!

check out my cool flip phone and ed hardy hat

 

Happy 237th Birthday, Marines

                                    

       

me and the handsom Leiutenant Seymore

 

the officers' ball at the Richmond Convention Center

"posting the colors" - flag ceremony

 

the beautiful wives at our table

 

our yummy dinner

 

Becky and little baby King

 

I got the chance to wear my family heirloom that my dear grandmother gave me

birthday cake

 

one last picture together before we end the night

 

the Dreaded Text...

...I received from Chris late Tuesday night

 

translation (for my non military friends who've been asking what this means): 

we are being moved to Camp Lejuene in North Carolina where we'll live for about  3 years. Chris' job is ground intelligence and apparently the only the infantry guys received their their duty station (where they will be living/working from). So we're hoping there is a possibility this will change.

I've been having a really hard time accepting this right now. I was really looking forward to going back home to California and that is all I had my mind set on. Our plan  was to drive across the country for the holidays with all of our belongings after he finished IOC. The kids and I would stay with family for a few months while Chris finished GIOC in Virginia Beach. I would find us a house and we'd be settling in by the time he got back. We had no other plans. There was no question in our minds that we would be going anywhere else, especially Lejuene. I say especially because at the beginning of this course we were asked to list the top 4 bases we'd prefer and it when like this: 1-Pendleton, CA; 2-Kaneohe Bay, HI; 3-Okinawa, Japan; 4-29 Palms, CA. Lejuen wasn't even on our list. The first thing that came to mind were my kids. I was so sad that they would be so far from family. I don't want them to be that distant relative that gets mentioned ever once in a while. I want their grandparents and aunts and uncle to really get to know Lincoln and Ella's cute and silly personalities and REALLY love them, not just love them because they're family. I was jealous that their cousins would have such a great relationship with their grandparents and my kids would be missing out on that special bond. I just wanted to go back home.

It's been hard for me to even talk about it. My mom and I haven't even spoken about it because I know neither one of us would be able to speak through the tears. My friends were sending me messages and texts trying to cheer me up, but I couldn't even take hearing it.

This was the main reason I didn't want to marry into the military. I moved around A LOT when I was younger (I'm talking 11 elementary schools! ((give or take a couple)). I have no idea what it's like to grow up in a certain neighborhood with the same friends, in the same school or church. At some schools I was the cool kid at others I was the outcast. That was the last thing I ever wanted to put my children through. When Chris and I were dating, almost engaged, he was looking into joining the military. I told him that I couldn't do it. As honorable as it is, I just couldn't be a part of it. I wasn't strong enough to handle that life style and I really didn't want anything to do with it. I told him I couldn't marry him if he joined the military. I know this sounds harsh, but I felt I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to string him along and get married hoping he'd change his mind, and give him hell when he did join. So we both thought a lot about it and Chris ended up looking into other options and finishing up school. I didn't hear again about the military until about 2 years into our marriage. It took a lot of praying and crying for me to realize that this is the job for him. I fell in love with a courageous, noble, fearless, strong, brave, loyal, inspiring man, and no desk job would be suitable for a guy like that. It's times like these (days/weeks/months without my husband, making and losing friends, moving far from home) that make it challenging for me to accept this life, but it makes it easier knowing that it is the right path for us. I'm working hard to embrace this life style, and there has definitely been some improvement.

The day after finding out where we'd be moving to, my friends invited me over for dinner. All I wanted to do was lay around in my pajamas all day and cry. I have the greatest friends! They threw me a "pity party" with a cake and all. They shared my pain and let me vent which is exactly what I needed. I felt so much better after that. Have I mentioned how amazing they are! Thank you so much, Kim, Crystal, and El for making me feel like what I was going through was normal and putting a smile back on my face.

So what are our plans now? Well, Chris and I don't have a plan... He has been so busy with work that we haven't even had a chance to talk about it... Or maybe neither of us is even ready to talk about it yet... I'll keep all of you posted as soon as we figure things out ourselves. I did however, make a few calls to a few important people, but that's a whole other post.

I have the best group of friends - have I said that yet?! They were all so quick to cheer me up and make me feel better about it all. I really couldn't ask for better people in my life. Thank you all for your kind words and being so great to me!

 

So lets start with some pros to living in North Carolina:

 

-I know some great wives already living there.

-the housing market is cheaper so we can buy more property there

 

...that's all I've got for now... 

 

Counting Down

i feel like i've been going through the stages of grief this whole week. can someone please bring me some junk food!?! i just want to lay on the couch with ben & jerry's in one hand and brownies in the other and do absolutely nothing. that is pretty much what i've been doing. the kids and i haven't even left the house this week. chris started IOC (infantry officers course) and he has the big CET (combat endurance test) tomorrow starting at 3am... THREE IN THE MORNING! and i expect him to come home some time after 9 pm. poor guy. i was really getting used to having him home all the time, and i didn't mind it at all. he helped me so much with the kids, in every way. and it was like ever day of the week was a weekend and he was always home for dinner! now he's going to be gone all the time. the beautiful thing about the marine corps, is that i'm in the dark all the time (he usually is too), so i'm not going to know when he'll be back from FEXes (field exercises), days? weeks? or what time he'll get home from work. should i leave dinner in the oven? i'm just scared. scared of taking care or the kids by myself; scared of falling behind on all the house work; scared of sleeping alone... i'm going to pull myself together and keep busy as much as possible...starting next week. and in the mean time, i'll be counting down the days until IOC is over.
 

little update on his feet: as most of you know, chris already completed the CET in the last class and went through 3 weeks of grueling infantry training before he finally got rolled to the next class. i say finally because the CET really tore up his feet, and pretty much every day after that was hike after run after ground fighting after hike! so his feet never got a chance to recover. there are no sick days in this training... if he were to say he needed some time to let his feet heal, then they would have dropped him from the course and reassigned him a completely new MOS, most likely one that no one would want. so he 'toughed it out' until someone noticed and got the okay to start up again in the next class. he's feet were destroyed! (i'll show you a nasty pic!). he literally could not walk on his feet for almost two weeks. poor chris had to crawl up the stairs. hahahahaha! (sorry, i shouldn't be laughing...). but we did a bunch of research, spent a lot more money, and worked really hard on repairing his feet. now they're good as new! i'll still be constantly praying for him.

good luck tomorrow mr. christopher! i love you!

here is an article about IOC in The New York Times ...and chris is in one of the pictures!
 

**WARNING** YOU MAY NEED A BARF BAG TO VIEW THIS PICTURE . . . . . . . . . . . . .

...told you it was bad.     

Year Five

 

Have we really been married for five years already!?

 

Let's see... since we got married, we've managed to live in four different places; I started and completed cosmetology school and worked as a hair stylist for a few years; Chris graduated from CBU and commissioned into the Marine Corps; and we brought two beautiful children into the world... not bad, right?

 

Thankfully, Chris was home during our anniversary this year so we were able to go out and celebrate a bit. (First off, I want to give a huge THANK YOU to our dear friends, Crystal and Marcus, for watching our little rascals. It's been so great meeting new people and developing life long friendships)! So, Chris and I drove out to DC and went kayaking in the Potomac River. (Man, what a workout)! After splashing around for a bit, and some serious racing, we changed in the car and headed down to a nice romantic, candlelit dinner. This french restaurant, Bistro Cacao, is such a memorable place to dine, I highly recommend it! It is so intimate, with dim lighting, curtains for privacy, and the most comfortable chairs. We whet our pallet with garlic sauteed escargot, I ate SNAILS, and it was actually really good. We ended our meal with vanilla, chocolate, and mango creme brulee, complements of the chef, (Ooh, I feel fancy)! Our server was french and I just loved how he addressed me as "mademoiselle" ...but that was about the only thing I understood from him.

 

I had a great time with my love and I'm so thankful we had this opportunity to spend some quality time together before he starts IOC (Infantry Officer's Course) and is constantly gone.

I love you honey bunny! 

 

 

Here's to five more years ...and then some!

 

A Little R & R

Chris and I wanted to take full advantage of out trip to California so we planned a little getaway for us to spend a couple of days in San Diego, kid free!! We left early Thursday morning to Seaworld where we had reservations to "Dine with Shamu." I have to say that was my favorite part of Seaworld. We got to sit right up with the killer whales while we ate breakfast. It was like our own personal show. Then we met up with our friends Tom and Anna. (We originally met them in Virginia while Chris and Tom where in TBS and we became great friends fast. They got stationed in San Diego so it was so nice seeing them again!)

Dining with Shamu! The food was amazing too!

They did tricks for us and the whales would splash the people outside watching haha

Ready to get soaked

ha ha I snuck a picture of the sceen

in a bear cave

this show was awesome

here are our friends Tom and Anna and baby Tony

After our fun at Seaworld, we drove down to the beach and took a nice little nap on the sand. Now that we got some rest, it was time for some more fun. We went down to the Gaslamp District and enjoyed a nice dinner together. We just talked and laughed for hours. Then we said our goodbyes to Tom and Anna once again. (I hope so badly that we get stationed in San Diego with them) and headed to our hotel around 10 pm. Right after we checked in we went straight to the hot tub...and we had it all to ourselves! We stayed at the Hilton in La Jolla right across from the beach. You could literally see the ocean from our balcony, it was beautiful. That was the longest, most fun filled day I have had in a long time. I can't even tell you how liberating it was not having to pack snacks, diapers, toys, stroller, sling, and every other little thing for the kids. There where no melt downs or nap times cutting into our fun. It was just me and my boyfriend (that's what it felt like) enjoying each other's company.

WE SLEPT IN!!! Anyone with kids knows how much of a privilege it is to get to sleep in, and sleep through the night... and it felt amazing! We took a little dip in the pool then headed out to watch Snow White and the Huntsman. But first, we had to make a pit stop to In-N-Out. I had such a great time with my love, just the two of us again.

I was getting anxious to see my little babies, so we finally started heading back home. Gosh, I love those kids, even though they drive me crazy! Ha ha.

(Thanks Mommy for watching my kiddos!!)

Click here to see some more pictures of our Seaworld adventure!!